by E.P Pirt, Jr.
I knew there were some bad DJ names out there but I didn’t realize just how bad they got until I started researching this a little further. My list went from a top 10 to a top 15 and I still had to make some cuts to trim it down to that number. The crazy thing about this list is that every artist on here has had a relatively successful career despite some of their best efforts to sabotage themselves with an asinine stage name. I guess it’s true, what’s in a name? Not much in these cases…
15. The Funk Hunters
I almost didn’t include this Canadian duo. I like their stuff. I mean they’ve worked with Chali 2na a bunch, for goodness sake. They’re talented. But the name is just…meh. Not to mention they aren’t a funk band.
I called these guys “loud puck” for probably close to a year. Surely I wasn’t the only one…
OKAY Ookay, what’s the deal with the extra O? Is it silent? Do you pronounce it “Oh okay”? Do you say it like a Canadian and pronounce the o’s as you would if they were in the word “spoon” (try it)? Or do you just say it like you would “Okay” but hold the O a little bit longer? I’M SO CONFUSED!
I’m not familiar with this guy but I can already tell what a rebel he is.
Am I the only one in the dark on this one? They combined a famous French prophet/doctor with a string that you use to get shit out of your teeth. I don’t get it. And what’s up with the Nerf gun vests?
10. Since 2014, any name using all caps and no vowels.
Two words: PLAYED. OUT. The number of DJs that have adopted this way of stylizing their name has gotten way out of control. NGHTMRE, KSHMR, SNBRN, CRNKN, SBTRKT, STRFKR, MSTRKRFT….the list goes on. It was cool the first 100 times. If you gave yourself a name like this after 2014 (probably earlier, really) then you’re just following the crowd. We have vowels for a reason, use them. Unless it’s Y. Then just sometimes. Ol’ WLLM SHKSPR must be rolling over in his grave.
9. DJ Snake
Maybe I’m biased here because I hate snakes to the point of having nightmares about them. But the name is just too basic. It sounds like something little Johnny came up with when his parents bought him a midi controller for Christmas. DJ Snake is from France, so maybe it sounds cooler in French.
8. DJ BL3ND
Adding DJ to your name is so 1999. But this name actually wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the 3 combinations here. I would accept Blend, DJ Blend, or even Bl3nd. But when you put the “3” in place of the “E” AND you throw “DJ” in front of it?! This guy must be insane! He’s also not doing himself any favors with that ridiculous mask.
7. Since 2013, any name that takes a two-part name and switches the first letters of each.
Like the the whole no vowel nonsense, this trend started years ago and like that one it also needs to come to an abrupt halt. Com Truise. Dack Janiels. San Holo. Mord Fustang. Yea yea, we get it. You’re soooooo clever.
6. Spag Heddy
I just can’t even handle how heddy this name is, bro. Like, not only does it sound like a dank Italian dish, it has the word “heddy” right there IN IT! That’s like a heddy-ception or something. Still waiting for that collab with Meat Ballz tho. Gonna be lit, fam.
5. Choppa Dunks
First of all, what the hell is a choppa dunk? Maybe it’s what Kong did to those helicopters in Skull Island. Secondly, try to say it aloud and take yourself seriously. Didn’t think so.
No, this is not a death metal band. It’s DJ Mag’s 46th best DJ in the world, for whatever that’s worth. We get it, you’re mad. Someone start rubbing his back, this guy needs some PLUR in his life.
Again with the Zs. Or sorry, the Zz. You’d think some folks just now learned the ABCs in their entirety and got to the end and said, “Holy sh*t, look at THAT letter!” Like Angerfist, I’m not familiar with this DJ Mag Top 100 artist either. I guess I should brush up on my tastes. But I have a feeling if you have to tell people how fire your beatz are with your name, they’re probably luke warm at best.
The ironic thing about this name is that it’s neither sick nor dope.
1. Da Tweekaz
I know, I know…who the F are Da Tweekaz? DJ Mag’s 71st best DJs in the world, THAT’S WHO. As if naming themselves after some plurnt-up amateur who popped one too many mollies wasn’t bad enough, they put the nail in the coffin by totez tweekin da spellingz.